So once again we're back in the boardroom of Bill Cullen, our very own Siralan (!) --- yes I know he's a lord now! --- with another batch of "Ireland's best and brightest", each hoping to take the top job on offer from Bill and become his Apprentice for 2010. As usual, each candidate is carried along on the shoulders of their own personal ego and belief in themselves, though this is sure to falter once they get stuck in to the tasks and find out what they're REALLY made of!
This is the third series in the Irish equivalent of the hugely popular series "The Apprentice", first created in the USA under the watchful eye of Donald Trump, then later popularised on this side of the pond by Sir Alan Sugar, later Lord Sugar, and finally taken up by ourselves three years ago, with Renault CEO and Irish entrepreneur Bill Cullen in the driving seat (sorry!)
So who are the candidates this year? Well, as usual there's an even mix of guys'n'gals, and as usual for the first few tasks they will split along those lines, the guys choosing their team name and operating in opposition to the girls' team. Later on, as candidates fall by the wayside, the balance shifts, or just when Bill wants to "shake things up", the teams will be more mixed, but here, in the opening stages of the contest, it's the age-old battle of the sexes, as usual.
THE CANDIDATES
Dave Cashman, an Events Organiser --- Opening quote: "You can have all the pieces of paper i the world, but if you don't have a bit of streetwise inside you you're going to be left struggling". Dave has no third-level education, so his reference to "pieces of paper" above is to degrees and qualifications. He believes, to put it in the words of Donald Trump, he has "street smarts" as opposed to "book smarts".
Nagaite Farag, a Sales Agent (her first name is pronounced "nay-zhet") --- Opening quote: "I think the other candidates will see me as competition (eh, excuse me?? Obvious or what?) They will have to play their A-game to get past me."
Michelle Massey, a Corporate Sales Manager --- Opening quote: "I'm expecting to get stabbed in the back, I'm expecting to have lots of comments said behind my back, I'm expecting to get on with some of them, I'm expecting to clash with some of them."
Panos Zambetakis, a Senior Online Advertising Manager --- Opening quote: "Being a gay may in business it is difficult, but I'm not going to sit here and moan, because that's my choice. It does not define my business skills, and if people can't deal with it that's their problem, not mine."
Tara Lee, a Property Surveyor --- Opening quote: "My worst characteristics is that I talk too much, I speak before I think, and maybe that I'm too forceful sometimes."
Ciara McManus, a Sales Manager --- Opening quote: "I know I'm going to win the Apprentice this year. I've sacrificed a lot: family holidays, time with the children. There's a financial investment obviously that's been put into this,and I'm in here to win it. I'm not here to come second or third: I'm here to win the Apprentice this year."
Cahal Heapes, an Area Sales Manager --- Opening quote: "I think I work best in short sharp bursts. I like to be thrown in at the deep end and see if I can swim there."
Sarah O'Neill, a PR and Communications Manager --- "Openign quote: "At this point we're all (can't make that word out!) the competition, I think everyone is. We all definitely have our eyes on the prize and I want to be in this process to the end, I want to win."
Barry Cesar Hunt, an Entrepreneur --- Opening quote: "Today, nobody wanted to be Project Manager, and that worries me when a fella doesn't have the balls to come up and say, yeah, I'm going to be Project Manager, because we're going to win anyway!"
Niamh McDonald, a Marketing Coordinator --- Opening quote: "I think the boys should be
terrified of us! I definitely think they've underestimated us, they're overconfident, and I think they'll be in for a shock tomorrow I hope."
Caroline McHugh, a Solicitor --- Opening quote: "I think the girls need to focus on the girls and forget about what the guys are going to do. To me they're irrelevant anyway; until they start mixing up the teams I'm not going to worry about them."
Will McCreevy, a Financial Sales Manager --- Opening quote: "I think I will be perceived by the Apprentice candidates --- and I hope I will be perceived --- as a dark horse, because I will come up underneath the radar and win the Apprentice."
Kieran Walsh, a Professional Poler Player and Director of the family business --- Opening quote: "I think I've been through more, at 27, than any of the other 15 candidates will have been today. I've been through the highs and lows, the swings and roundabouts of money management. Some may perceive me as a risk taker, a gambler, but I don't think that's true. I think I have a lot of business acumen that I'm bringing to the table also."
Jamie Moran, a Contractor --- Opening quote: None (episode 1)
David O'Byrne, a Marketing Professional --- Opening quoute: None (episode 1)
Niamh Humphreys, an Account Manager --- Opening quote: None (episode 1)
Team names have to be chosen first, and the girls' team reject the name "Synergy" (which is just as well, as not only has it been used by a team in the US version before, it's currently the name of one of the teams in the UK one!) --- they think it's a madeup word. Hmm. Many business executives would disagree with you, ladies! Then they look at "Blitz", but they discard that as being too girly, or sounding like a drink or a sandwich (?)
The boys quickly settle on theirs. Having tossed about the idea of "Empire", they then move to "Accelerate", but since there are eight of them, they think the end syllable of "ate" should be depicted as the number 8, and so very quickly come up with "Elev8" (geddit?)
Back with the girls, they're still discussing names. "Infinity" is floated but rejected as being "tacky" (again, what??), then Tara Lee takes over and starts telling the team that she has picked out two names. She says she would like the name to be Irish, so has chosen "Inspiraud" (I guess that's the Irish for inspiration then) and Fusion (what's Irish about that I don't know)and this ends up being the one that they settle on.
So we have Elev8 (boys) and Fusion (girls). Now the Project Mangers have to be chosen. While on Elev8 most of the guys seem to be shying away from the task, using various excuses, on the girls' team many are putting their names forward. It's decided that Ciara will take the reins, while back with the boys there's still much arguing and excuses, till Barry steps up and says he'll do it. Dave however is not happy and forces a change, resulting in Cahal being named the PM.
Later, Cahal justifies his being more or less pushed into being PM as the fear that everyone has that to be PM on the first task risks being kicked out in the first round. Doesn't seem too bothered that he has been somewhat manouevred into the position.
TASK ONE
The teams are summoned at 0630 to the Carton Hotel in Dublin Airport, where Bill introduces the guys to Michael Kearney, CEO of the Carlton Hotel Group. He immeidately makes something of a gaffe by calling them "apprentices" --- they're not, they're candidates. Anyway, Michael sets the task, which is a simple selling task. The teams are given Carlton Hotel gift vouchers, which they must sell, each in a different location on either side of the city. However, Bill has a surprise for them right from the off, as he tells them that the PMs are to switch, so that Ciara is now leading Team Elev8, while Cahal is in charge of Fusion. As usual, Bill's right-hand-people, Jackie Lavin and Brian Purcell are there to follow each team and report on their progress.
Each team is given 200 Euro seed money and a stand in either Blanchardstown or Dundrum Shopping Centres. The new PMs make their introductions to their new teams and get to know each other, as they are now very unexpectedly working together, and this has no doubt thrown the plans of each team into total disarray.
The teams are allowed choose one denomination of voucher, to which they can append a special offer, of which there are a few different ones. Cahal is quickly "subsumed by a tsunami of girls", to quote Brian, and loses control of his team, but he chooses the cookbook, over the very forceful objections of Tara. As this decision is made, someone is heard to swear in frustration: I personally think it's Tara, but she has her back to the camera so I can't be sure. This is later remarked upon by Cahal, though again there's no definitive proof, but it seems likely.
On Team Elev8, Ciara has made a decision and gone for the free bottle of wine as her special offer. Both teams split into two, one half going to their respective shopping centres, the other subteam concentrating on trying to drive corporate sales, which, if they can swing some, should greatly boost their sales total. Elev8 end up in Dundrum Shopping Centre, while Fusion are in Blanchardstown. The corporate subteam, meanwhile, of Fusion, are in a car heading for the Blanchardstown Industrial Park. The team consists of Niamh Humphreys, Tara, Caroline and Sara, and technofear sets in right away, as no-one seems to want to be the first to make a cold call. This may seem odd, and indeed surely it is, as Niamh H was the one who, when plugging herself for PM for the task, said she led a cold call team all over Ireland! She seems to have some difficulty understanding how to use Tara's phone, which doesn't look any more complicated than any other.... In the end, rather ironically, the first one to make a call is Caroline, who has no sales experience, while the other three sales "professionals" look on.
After Michael Kearney's somewhat forgivable slip of the tongue earlier, my next pedant moment is when Caroline says "I could be underestimated for my lack of business experience, but I would probably strive on that..." It's THRIVE, love, not strive! Learn to use the language, huh?
No-one seems to think that it would be a good idea to GET OUT OF THE CAR and go knocking on doors, and the subteam remains in the cramped car, making calls and getting nowhere. Back in the centres, despite the seed money and some ideas, nothing has been spent and there is nothing to attract people to the stand, other than the guys "hooking" people themselves, which is not going swimmingly. Dave Cashman, on the corporate subteam for Elev8, thinks it might be a good idea to target local garages, see if they can partner with them, as they've had no luck with cold calling. This is not a bad idea, and works up to a point, until they have the bright idea to target .... the Renault garage. Yeah. That one. The one owned by their boss, Bill Cullen. Who OWNS A HOTEL! Great idea guys: sell the man vouchers for his competition. Great. Stunning. Innovative. Groundbreaking.
To be fair, the only one against this harebrained scheme is Kieran, but he's overruled and the guys march with ill-concelaed bravado into the heart of Bill Cullen's empire, where they are understandably given short shrift by the manager, and sent on their way.
Team Fusion are selling reasonably well at the shopping centre, while their corporate side is still stuck in the car, not a single sale or lead, with Niamh reduced to begging for sales and making a real cringeworthy moment for the series. Calling in, she's told by Cahal that she should leave it if she can get no leads and come back, however the subteam ignores that and continues, without a hint of success, to try cold calling. Cahal himself is finding it hard to sell, though his team is doing well. Finally the subteam return to the shopping centre and start doing what they should have been from the start, which is selling.
TASK ONE: THE BOARDROOM, PART ONE
Back in Bill's boardroom, the teams are grilled. Tara has harsh words for Cahal's teamleading skills on Fusion, while Niamh Humphreys's coldcalling technique is blasted by Bill. Like most right-thinking people, he can't understand why they stayed for three hours in the car and basically got nowhere, yet did not come back to the shopping centre. He takes Cahal to task on this, saying it should have been his responsibility to make sure the girls came back to help out. He agrees, but says he did tell them to come back, which he did. Tara backs up the deicison to remain the car, seeming to think that potenital, phantom sales were more worth chasing than real, physical ones.
Next to be questioned is Elev8, and Bill is straight onto the question of his garage. "Which bright spark", he asks, "thought it would be a good idea to visit MY garage?" No-one takes responsibility, and Bill is very annoyed. He owns a hotel, so could not be expected to use vouchers for the Carlton Hotel. There's no real answer, and the boys are chastened. Bill then asks about the seed money, which it seems Elev8 used to buy some balloons, whereas Fusion bought absolutely nothing. Bill is not happy.
Next are the sales figures. Fusion made 870 Euro, while Elev8 did 1650 Euro, almost twice that of their rivals, and so they win the task. Bill sorts an evening cruise and supper for them, and they leave, delighted. Fusion, on the other hand, are about to lose a member, and Bill tells them that there were about 20,000 people in their shopping centre on the day of the task, and all they sold was 870 Euro. Not good.
TASK ONE: THE BOARDROOM, PART TWO
The usual squabbles before going back into the boardroom, and Cahal reminds the girls that he had told them to come back to the shopping centre if the leads were not coming in. In the boardroom Cahal admits fearing doing things in case they didn't work out, agrees he was not strong enough, and basically carries on digging his own grave. Bill asks what the leads the subteam were supposed to have were, and when pushed Niamh H mentions Nike, but it was more a basic "might be interested", then Price Waterhouse Coopers, who were in the IFSC, an hour's drive away, on a Friday afternoon.
The fact that Cahal also failed to make a single sale serves to drive another nail into his already-prepared coffin. While the others are getting ready to hoist him into the box and slam the lid down, Niamh Mc tries to throw her PM a lifeline, telling Bill that the other girls had more or less decided that any decisions had been left up to Cahal, with the intention being to dump total responsibility on his shoulders. She also says there was some "bullying" going on, and for a woman to say that about a man (and a PM), this does not sit right with our Bill.
THUMP! THUMP! Let me out of here! Shut up, Cahal, and just lie still, will ya?
As for the subteam, Niamh H now decides to blame Tara, saying that she didn't want to go back to Blanch, when it was clearly seen on camera that SHE was the one who wanted to stay (maybe Tara did too, but the decision was not hers alone), and Caroline backs Niamh up. Tara defends her position, saying she gave "110 percent" (don't you just hate that phrase?), but Bill has had enough, and tells Cathal to pick the two who will come back with him. He choose Nianh Humphries and Tara.
TASK ONE: THE BOARDOOM --- THE SHOWDOWN
As the three wait outside to be called, Brian tells Bill "I'd worry if they were on my team. No inspiration, and in a recession..."
"Comfort zone?" asks Bill, ensuring the old catchphrase is trotted out in the first episode. Brian nods.
"Absolutely."
On their return, Niamh and Cahal turn on Tara, who in turn mentions that Niamh begged for business, which she denies, but which did happen. Tara mentions that Niamh couldn't even use the mobile phone! Niamh is taken to task for being so apparently experienced in sales, and yet not realising how pointless it was staying where they were. Cahal points out that he "requested" them to come back, Bill tells him he should have TOLD them to come back, in no uncertain terms. Tara blames Cahal for being a weak boss.
Bill agrees. He tells Cahal he didn't make any sales, nor any decsions. Cahal more or less agrees and begs for another chance. Bill has harsh words for all three of the candidates. Tara gets somewhat confused as she pleads not to be let go, and says "I'm not a team player. I am a team player." But in the end, not surprisingly, it's Cahal who gets the bullet and becomes the first one to be fired from the process. Tara is warned to learn quickly, and told that the only reason she escaped was her youth, and that she had no real guidance. He has much criticism for Niamh too, but they both live to fight another day.
AFTER THE FIRING: THE VERDICT
Bill Jackie and Brian discuss the decision. Bill says it was a tough one, but due to his lack of decisions and total non-sales, Cahal had to go. Jackie mentions that Niamh is lucky to still be here, and Bill agrees. "Very lucky", he says. "Toss of a coin."
THE FIRED CANDIDATE: CLOSING MONOLOGUE
Cahal: "It all went wrong when I was shoehorned, for want of a better word, into the task manager role. Certainly none of the guys wanted it and I think the reasons for that are blatantly obvious. To be the first guy ever to lead a female team into defeat in the first task: I'm absolutely gutted."
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